Changes...

First I just want to say I am so sorry I have been away for so long. The end of the year got crazy and I just was in a weird place about things. At the end of the semester I was losing my mind because I didn't have an internship or job for the summer or for the fall. I was trying to make sure I had a roommate for this year and I put everything before myself. Luckily I found 2 internships for this summer and 1 for the fall. The two this summer will continue into the fall a little so I feel 100% better about that. I have been doing my best to put myself first and take care of myself.

I finally woke up one day and realized I am not the person that I want to be. I did this to myself and I am the only one that is going to be able to fix it. But that truth is hard to swallow. Taking care of myself is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. I hate working out, and I love food. Getting to the gym and eating right is not any kind of fun. I know it is a lifestyle change, but I just always feel like I am limiting myself the things I really want. The summer I started out really strong. I was going to the gym 4-5 times a week, keeping track of what I was eating, eating right, and it all paid off. I lost about 8 lbs in 3 weeks. Then when I didn't have anything to do I would snack, and I would wake up late and not go to the gym. I knew I was making the wrong choices, but that didn't stop me from doing it.

I hate failure. I hate putting effort into things and not getting the results or outcome I want. Also, if I put a lot of effort into something like working out I want to see results. You don't get them overnight even though that is what I want. Not seeing results always kills my motivation, it's like all my hard work is for nothing. Not being able to stay committed to this new lifestyle upsets me. June wasn't a good month for me, so I am starting July off on the right foot. I took the last few days to eat right and eat less and really prepare myself for what is to come. I still hate working out, but I am going to start getting back to the gym. I am waiting for the day that going to the gym starts to not suck so bad anymore.

I don't want you all to think I am just here complaining. I figured it would help me to see how I really feel in words. I want to succeed, I want to look in the mirror and not see the flaws, and I want to be the best version of me possible. I know this isn't going to happen overnight and I just need to be okay with that. I need to make the life change and stay committed regardless if I have a bad week. Any recipes, work-outs, tips, or words of wisdom anyone is willing to share I would really appreciate. Thank you so much for listening to my issues, hopefully soon I will have some successful news to share with you all.

I found this quote on Pinterest and it is very fitting to my life..."The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of far they have gotten."